There is a level of awareness inherent in human nature, evident whether we acknowledge it or not. We are not always aware of an individual’s subtitles, needs, or struggles. But consistent, one can fool others, but you cannot fool yourself.
Real growth occurs when an individual conducts a fearless moral inventory of themselves, examining their complicity in the role they play in their affairs. Blaming others is a fallacy and a disservice to ourselves, giving them the authority to change our conditions rather than taking ownership of the direction our lives need to go.
Being true to yourself is critical, which I can attest to in the early phases of my mental health challenges. I blamed everyone else for my plight and claimed that I was a victim of circumstances. I felt wronged, and I was lashing out at everyone else. It was not fair. What wasn’t fair to me was that I wasn’t accepting ownership; it was my erroneous thinking that was the culprit.
It was when I began to see the errors of my ways that my life’s trajectory began to change. Yes, I was a victim of circumstances, but it was how I characterized things that put me at a disadvantage. My life was conflicted, but it was an inside job: a state of being, an emotional loop, entangled in my indecisiveness. Consistent with the adage, when you change the way that you look at something, your perspective changes.
Real change is an inside job. It is the emotional feelings that you attach to events that influence how you deal with them—your ability to reason with yourself and not let your emotions dictate your response. Taking time to view things in the most favorable light is the best way to make your life more user-friendly.
I have learned the value of showing restraint, being mindful of the affairs. A recurring lesson I have learned is that I can be right until I open my mouth; the tide can turn in my favor or against me depending on what I say. There is power in the words that we use to heal or cause a lot of distress.
Once we speak words over a person, we can elevate or lower their disposition. What we speak cannot be taken back. We can be offended by someone’s words or offend others. Our anger is not the problem; it’s how we let it move us.
We are active participants in our affairs, and we set the stage for our affairs. What is going on in your life? We accept it because we teach people how to treat us. Setting boundaries is important, and if things are not to our liking, we have to let a person know, and if they are not responding accordingly, we make a conscious effort to allow it or to reject it.
Being married for 34 years was a choice to stay in the relationship, as evidenced by my continued marriage amid the challenges we faced. So I can’t blame anyone else. Now, in marriage, I live according to my understanding and desires. We can legitimize our decision-making; marriage is no different. Good, bad, or ugly, I stayed on my own volition.
Being true to myself is critical. I decided to stay as a seasoned professional. I acknowledge that I could have acted better or worse, and that we were both entangled in our indecisiveness and reckless behavior. Now I am moving forward with an understanding that we both deserve better. We cannot change the past, but we can live from a healthier perspective and take an active part in the continuous improvement we both need.